Long Distance Friendships

A group of friends celebrating.

As I get older, the people I’ve known throughout my life are located in many parts of the world.  This is a natural part of getting older. Most people don’t remain in the town they grow up in.

Many of my friends now have adult children who are starting their own families and they want to live near them.  Other friends are retiring and choosing to move to a warmer location. And in at least one recent case, her husband took a job far away from where we currently live.

This blog is about recognizing when a friendship has changed and learning how to cope with long distance friendships.

When Friends Move

For several years now it has been me who leaves my home state and travels to other parts of the United States.  I always come back, but it may be several months before I do so.  Now it is other people’s turns to leave for months on end or move entirely away.

I am sad my friends are moving, but I know that the true friendships can withstand both distance and separation. But it takes a lot of effort on both sides to make sure the friendship stays fresh and current.

When in Virginia, I try to organize activities or meals where I can see several people at once. I have a couple friends that love to walk, so I’ll schedule a walk and chat.  For friends that don’t live near me it requires different strategies.  My favorite strategy for keeping in touch is to arrange phone calls with people.

Phone Calls Vs. Emails

Not everyone likes to talk on the phone, but if you don’t live within driving distance, phoning is the best option.  Sure, I still send texts and emails to people when I have something small to share, but email is a one sided conversation, and waiting to get a response takes too long.

Every couple of months I get in a phoning mood and will just send texts out to see when I can arrange chats.  I block about 30 minutes for a call, but never schedule anything for at least an hour afterwards.  Who wants to hang up in the middle of a good chat?

Letter writing to keep in touch. (Wix)

Barb, a Welsh terrier loving friend who just moved to North Dakota, likes to write letters.  I love old fashioned letter writing and can’t wait to send and receive snail mail from her.  Hopefully we will have a couple of phone calls throughout the year as well, but as long as we have newsy letters fairly frequently, I will be satisfied.

Lasting Friends

Today, I still feel lonely when female friends move, but it has also taught me who my lasting friends are.  The friends who reach out to me after months of hearing nothing and say, “Are you alive?” or “Where in the world are you now Fernanda?”.

I send the exact same emails and texts to them as well.  Those simple questions remind me that I have people who care about me around the globe.  And I am blessed to keep a good core of marvelous women in my life.  In fact, I feel quite lucky that I am still actively making solid friendships in my late 50’s.

Lots of Friends vs. True Friends

Some years ago, I spoke with a girlfriend who said she didn’t need lots of friends, she just needed true friends.  I appreciated her sharing this philosophy with me and repeat it to this day.

What is too many friends?

In the past, I worried about not having enough friends instead of considering who were my true or real friends.  When people start to move, it is an excellent way to see who stands the test of time and distance.

My friend group over the years has become more eclectic.  I can now say I have friends who are bee keepers and scientists.  I have friends who started a wildly successful podcast, friends who are teachers and friends who care deeply for their families.

What these women have in common is their kindness towards others and their strong sense of self worth.  These women come from different backgrounds and experiences, but I know, if I put them all in one room tomorrow, there would be no silences.  No, there would be multiple conversations and perhaps even some new business ventures and connections created.

I'm blessed to have friends all over the world.

If you take nothing else away from today’s blog remember this, true friends will grow and evolve with you no matter where you live or how often you see them.

Take advantage of phone calls, Zoom calls, and WhatsApp to stay connected.  Don’t just rely on an email or text because they don’t convey the same depth of warmth that physically talking to someone conveys.

Spread the Word!

If you found this blog useful, please consider sharing it with a friend.  Perhaps it will spark a conversation and you chat on the phone to a long distance friend.

See you next week!