Relaxing
- 4 hours ago
- 4 min read
Relaxing sounds like such an easy assignment, doesn't it? For me, relaxing seems to be a real challenge. My problem is that I find it hard to sit still if there is anything else I can do.
Even if my schedule is clear of to-do items, I know I can find something or someone to help. Help can be requested or even assumed by me!
By nature I am a problem solver, so anyone that has any issue is fair game for me. And it wasn’t until the last couple of years that I fully realized the extent to which I wanted, and felt obligated, to solve others' problems.
My obsession with problem solving is a major reason I struggle to relax. Susan, my therapist, has said on several occasions that I should just take a day off and relax. I try, but I can never do a full day.
It starts out as a simple need to walk the dogs. Sometimes the walk would be relaxing because I don’t bring electronics with me. I love to watch Maisie and Winston exploring their world. Their world can become my world if I let myself truly relax.
But inevitably I begin to think. Thinking leads to planning, which leads to doing. By the time we get back from the relaxing walk, I am back to planning and doing. So much for relaxing!
Ways to Relax
It is important to allow yourself to take time off from every day activities. One way that has helped me relax is journaling.
The act of writing down my thoughts and worries helps to ease my mind. It helps me to focus on the bigger picture, and direct my thinking to what I really need to do, instead of what I think I should do.
Reading for pleasure is another way to refocus my mind for a period of time. I find that setting a timer for sixty minutes of reading, with no distractions, is very doable. It also has the added benefit of being great for the brain too. And since I am in a long standing book club, I can discuss the books I’ve read when we see each other.
When I was in college, whenever I needed a break from studying, I would needlepoint. Recently, I picked it up again and enjoy watching my progress from start to the eventual finished product.
This beautifully satisfies my need to ‘do’ something but is purely for fun. Like reading, doing needlework, helps keep the neurons in my brain firing, as I follow the pattern and make sure that the stitches are done in the proper direction.
When my husband and I are in California, we have a large dining table that we rarely ever eat on. This is because the table is constantly serving as a puzzle table. Last year, I decided that we should laminate the finished puzzles and hang them in our garage.
To date, we have done almost ten puzzles, and our garage is starting to look quite lovely. Every time we enter the garage we are reminded to the puzzles we have finished and the fun times we had finishing them.
While we puzzle, I put on some music using a Spotify playlist and we move around the table attacking the border (me) and sorting by colors (Brian). We never finish the puzzle without the other person present. It’s a joint activity and there is such a great sense of satisfaction when the puzzle is finished.
A final thing I am trying to do more frequently to relax, is meditation. I find meditation can be a challenge for me. It is hard to focus all my attention on breathing and nothing else.
As I sit with my back tall and legs crossed, I listen to my breath for a few seconds or a minute and then my mind wanders off. Some people refer to this as ‘monkey mind’, because a monkey hops from place to place.
In my mind, I will connect with a sound around me. Recently my mind drifts off to planning for our trip to the UK this spring. I have so much to plan before we leave, that it can be rather all-consuming.
After following the journey of the monks walking across the US, I bought a book called Mindfulness In Plain English by Bhante Gunaratana. This book explains in simple terms how to practice meditating, giving suggestions on how to draw your attention back to your breath work, when it wanders.
I tried the strategies in the book while flying back to Virginia, and was able to focus solely on my breath for fifteen solid minutes. What is excellent about mindfulness, is that it is very useful in stressful situations.
Focus on your breathing, instead of getting upset while stuck in traffic, listening to people rant on television or the radio, or even listening to a baby crying non-stop in an airport.
Relaxing is a Work in Progress
I still struggle to concentrate, but at least I have some tools to work with now. And, I am coming to realize that perhaps my forms of relaxation are different than other people’s. Having an activity to do can be just as relaxing as solving problems and running around.
I can walk the dogs and let my mind wander. I can read a book, needlepoint, or pen out a brief journal entry. And, I can even close my eyes and focus on my breathing, acknowledging the thoughts and sounds as they come and sending them away.
Through this exercise in learning to relax, I am finding ways to take care of myself and not just take care of others. Caring for myself is starting to feel quite nice.