The Importance of Communicating

John and Buster with Fernanda and Maisie

I have dear friends around the country, and talking on the phone with them consistently is important to me.  It helps us us keep in touch and allows us to maintain a current dialog.  I appreciate that texting and emailing is easier and that you can do it at any time.  However, the act of scheduling and following through on a phone call shows commitment.

Calling someone also allows both people to react in real time and hear each other's voice.  You really cannot tell if someone is stressed, happy, or any range of emotions with written words unless they write them out in the message.

My grade school friend Shannon does not live near me and I rarely ever get a chance to see her in person.  Even with my penchant for driving, my friends live many different places and we don’t always have a chance to see each other regularly.  And this is where a telephone plays a vital role.

I’m sure you are all familiar with rechargeable batteries.  I have an internal social battery that needs to be recharged regularly or I start to wind down.  While I may not power off I do become glum and mopey.  Just ask my husband!

Many times, I am the one that initiates these calls.  It’s my social battery that needs the recharge, so I don’t mind making the effort to connect.  A conversation as short at ten minutes can recharge me.

Honestly, I am not sure how people survive without good friends.  Some people may not feel the need for friends, are shy, or awkward around others.  However, even they can benefit from friendship.

An example of this is my dear older friend John.  I met John a couple of years ago when he reached out to me about re-homing his young Welsh Terrier.  He didn’t want to re-home Buster Brown, but he knew it was the right thing to do because of a recent diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease.

John is an admitted introvert and is quite content to sit in his apartment listening to music or watching PBS all day.  When I met him, he had just moved into a senior living building where he needed to get his meals from the dining room.  John was unhappy about eating in his room, but the staff would not allow him to eat in a closed-off area so he could sit alone.  Here is where our budding friendship came in to play.

One day, while we were chatting about Buster and John was trying to decide if he could part with him, he mentioned he hated to eat in his apartment.  Taking the initiative, I asked if it would be okay if I went and spoke to the staff.

I had recently returned from a trip to Africa with a friend where I visited Ethiopia.  The woman at the restaurant hostess stand was Ethiopian.  I greeted her warmly and told her how much I had enjoyed my visit to her beautiful country.  Then, I mentioned John, his fear of sitting with strangers, and his wish to eat in the dining room alone.  She readily agreed to my request.

Walking back into John’s apartment, I told him the problem was solved.  He could sit in the dining room with the other people but at his own table.  No questions asked.  No scene caused.  The relief that spread across his face was evident.  I, a person who loves to interact with people, approached and explained his dilemma.

Where he once was afraid of going to the dining area for meals, he now goes there confidently. Sometimes, he sits with friends he has made.  Other times he takes a meal out if he does not feel up to conversation.  Was this a miracle or because of me?  No, not at all.  He just needed someone he felt comfortable with to open the door for him.  He did the work; I just offered him my friendship and I listened to him and what he needed.

Creating and keeping new and old friends takes work.  Anyone can help another person and make a connection.  It just takes the willingness, patience, and sometimes a little friendly persuasion like a phone call or an introduction.

Now, my calls to friends includes weekly chats with John.  Sometimes, he and I can chat for an hour at a sitting!  He feels comfortable telling me when his social battery is drained from our chats, and I respect that because that is what friends do.  We call, we chat, and we respect when one of us needs a break.

Do you have a social battery?  Have you ever been there for someone you do not know well and helped them?  How did it work out?  I hope that your experiences are as enriching as mine have been.